watch you watch me

watch you watch me,
flung my head off my eyeballs;
now i only exist in front of the mirror watching,
i’m screaming in the middle of the afternoon;
wrapped myself in sheets till i feel like a person again,
don’t you see?
i need you to notarize my tragedies.

atop an insipid floor, walls clasping their fists together;
do you hear me whimpering in the eye of the clench.
i made this up and i don’t know if it’s a dream
and i don’t wake up
or go to sleep.
see, i’m scared of people looking at me on the ground,
they’ll look and then they won’t,
there are too many graves to look at.

see ghosts, kids are told to not think about them.
and the first thing we learn about grief,
is to learn nothing about it;
so you see me, lackluster and livid.
living, lingering, tiptoeing on breaths;
hellish thing is, to watch me trip-
over and over.
so you look away,
all night long
i whisper lullabies to life,
hush don’t look away.

meenal jhajharia